13 things science says will make you happier

13 things science says will make you happier13 things science says will make you happierIts no secret that were obsessed with happiness. After all, the pursuit of happiness is even enshrined in the Declaration of Independence. But happiness is fleeting. How can we find it and keep it alive?Psychologists at the University of California have discovered some fascinating things about happiness that could change your life.Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at the Riverside campus who is known among herbei peers as the queen of happiness. She began studying happiness as a grad student and never stopped, devoting her career to the subject.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreOne of her main discoveries is that we all have a happiness platzdeckchen point. When extremely positive or negative events happen- such as buying a bigger house or losing a job- they temporarily increase o r decrease our happiness, but we eventually drift back to our tischset point.The breakthrough in Dr. Lyubomirskys research is that you can make yourself happier- permanently. Lyubomirsky and others have found that our genetic set point is responsible for only about 50% of our happiness, life circumstances affect about 10%, and a whopping 40% is completely up to us. The large portion of your happiness that you control is determined by your habits, attitude, and outlook on life.Even when you accomplish something great, that high wont last. It wont make you happy on its own you have to work to make and keep yourself happy.Your happiness, or lack thereof, is rooted in your habits. Permanently adopting new habits- especially those that involve intangibles, such as how you see the world- is hard, but breaking the habits that make you unhappy is much easier.There are numerous badeanstalt habits that tend to make us unhappy. Eradicating these bad habits can move your happiness set point in short order.Immunity to aweAmazing things happen around you every day if you only know where to look. Technology has exposed us to so much and made the world so much smaller. Yet, theres a downside that isnt spoken of much exposure raises the bar on what it takes to be awestricken. And thats a shame because few things are as uplifting as experiencing true awe. True awe is humbling. It reminds us that were notlage the center of the universe. Awe is also inspiring and full of wonder, underscoring the richness of life and our ability to both contribute to it and be captivated by it. Its hard to be happy when you just shrug your shoulders every time you see something new.Isolating yourselfIsolating yourself from social contact is a pretty common response to feeling unhappy, but theres a large body of research that says its the worst thing you can do. This is a huge mistake, as socializing, even when you dont enjoy it, is great for your mood. We all have those days when we just want to p ull the covers over our heads and refuse to talk to anybody, but the moment this becomes a tendency, it destroys your mood. Recognize that when unhappiness is making you antisocial, you need to force yourself to get out there and mingle. Youll notice the difference right away.BlamingWe need to feel in control of our lives in order to be happy, which is why blaming is so incompatible with happiness. When you blame other people or circumstances for the bad things that happen to you, youve decided that you have no control over your life, which is terrible for your mood.ControllingIts hard to be happy without feeling in control of your life, but you can take this too far in the other direction by making yourself unhappy by trying to control too much. This is especially true with people. The only person you can control in your life is you. When you feel that nagging desire to dictate other peoples behavior, this will inevitably blow up in your face and make you unhappy. Even if you can c ontrol someone in the short term, it usually requires pressure in the form of force or fear, and treating people this way wont leave you feeling good about yourself.CriticizingJudging other people and speaking poorly of them is a lot like overindulging in a decadent nachspeise it feels good while youre doing it, but afterward, you feel guilty and sick. Sociopaths find real pleasure in being mean. For the rest of us, criticizing other people (even privately or to ourselves) is just a bad habit thats intended to make us feel better about ourselves. Unfortunately, it doesnt. It just creates a spiral of negativity.ComplainingComplaining is troubling, as well as the attitude that precedes it. Complaining is a self-reinforcing behavior. By constantly talking- and therefore thinking- about how bad things are, you reaffirm your negative beliefs. While talking about what bothers you can help you feel better, theres a fine line between complaining being therapeutic and it fueling unhappiness. Beyond making you unhappy, complaining drives other people away.ImpressingPeople will like your clothes, your car, and your fancy job, but that doesnt mean they like you. Trying to impress other people is a source of unhappiness because it doesnt get to the source of what makes you happy- finding people who like you and accept you for who you are. All the things you acquire in the quest to impress people wont make you happy either. Theres an ocean of research that shows that material things dont make you happy. When you make a habit of chasing things, you are likely to become unhappy because, beyond the disappointment you experience once you get them, you discover that youve gained them at the expense of the real things that can make you happy, such as friends, family, and taking good care of yourself.NegativityLife wont always go the way you want it to, but when it comes down to it, you have the same 24 hours in the day as everyone else. Happy people make their time count. Instead of complaining about how things could have been or should have been, they reflect on everything they have to be grateful for. Then they find the best solution available to the problem, tackle it, and move on. Nothing fuels unhappiness quite like pessimism. The problem with a pessimistic attitude, apart from the damage it does to your mood, is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy if you expect bad things, youre more likely to get bad things. Pessimistic thoughts are hard to shake off until you recognize how illogical they are. Force yourself to look at the facts, and youll see that things are not nearly as bad as they seem.Hanging around negative peopleComplainers and negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they dont want to be seen as callous or rude, but theres a fine li ne between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spirals. You can avoid getting drawn in only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? Youd distance yourself, and you should do the same with negative people. A great way to set limits is to ask them how they intend to fix their problems. The complainer will then either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.You should strive to surround yourself with people who inspire you, people who make you want to be better, and you probably do. But what about the people who drag you down? Why do you allow them to be a part of your life? Anyone who makes you feel worthless, anxious, or uninspired is wasting your time and, quite possibly, making you more like them. Life is too short to associate with people like this. Cut them loose.Comparing your own life to the lives people portray on social mediaThe Happiness Research Institute conducted the Facebook Experiment to find out how our social media habits affect our happiness. Half of the studys participants kept using Facebook as they normally would, while the other half stayed off Facebook for a week. The results were striking. At the end of the week, the participants who stayed off Facebook reported a significantly higher degree of satisfaction with their lives and lower levels of sadness and loneliness. The researchers also concluded that people on Facebook were 55% more likely to feel stress as a result.The thing to remember about Facebook and social media, in general, is that they rarely represent reality. Social media provides an airbrushed, color-enhanced look at the lives people want to portray. Im not suggesting that you give up social media just take it sparingly and with a grain of salt.Neglecting to set goalsHaving goals gives you hope and the ability to look forward to a b etter future, and working towards those goals makes you feel good about yourself and your abilities. Its important to set goals that are challenging, specific (and measurable), and driven by your personal values. Without goals, instead of learning and improving yourself, you just plod along wondering why things never change.Giving in to fearFear is nothing more than a lingering emotion thats fueled by your imagination.Dangeris real. Its the uncomfortable rush of adrenaline you get when you almost step in front of a bus. Fear is a choice. Happy people know this better than anyone does, so they flip fear on its head. They are addicted to the euphoric feeling they get from conquering their fears.When all is said and done, you will lament the chances you didnt take far more than you will your failures. Dont be afraid to take risks. I often hear people say, Whats the worst thing that can happen to you? Will it kill you? Yet, death isnt the worst thing that can happen to you. The worst th ing that can happen to you is allowing yourself to die inside while youre still alive.Leaving the presentLike fear, the past and the future are products of your mind. No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future. Happy people know this, so they focus on living in the present moment. Its impossible to reach your full potential if youre constantly somewhere else, unable to fully embrace the reality (good or bad) of the very moment. To live in the moment, you must do two things1) Accept your past. If you dont make peace with your past, it will never leave you and it will create your future. Happy people know that the only good reason to look at the past is to see how far youve come.2) Accept the uncertainty of the future, and dont place unnecessary expectations upon yourself. Worry has no place in the here and now. As Mark Twain once said,Worrying is like paying a debt you dont owe.Bringing It All TogetherWe cant control our genes, and we cant control all of our circumstances, but we can rid ourselves of habits that serve no purpose other than to make us miserable.What makes you happy? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the 1 bestselling book,Emotional Intelligence 2.0,and the co-founder ofTalentSmart, the worlds leading provider ofemotional intelligence testsandtraining, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by,Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, andThe Harvard Business Review.This article first appeared on LinkedIn.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words yo u say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people